Sleep Time

http://aetherforce.com/the-three-stages-of-sleep-by-rudolph-steiner/

"I am in ... I am at... i am here, in this vast period of questioning myself.

Who am I? where do I belong? where do I go from here?

It just turn 3am. 

The  frigid morning mocks me,

 as i rest

on my red love seat staring at the burning flames dancing

 on my man made fireplace,

 I can't  help but think 

damn,

I'm still cold.

I turn my body and close my eyes and reopen

 them,

the glow from the television formed shadows

 of unobtrusive figures on the wall, 

I felt a

sudden rush threw my veins 

i was scared.

I caressed my blankets in hope, searching for my hairy comrade to amuse me 

with his furriness joy is no where to be found. 

Damn again.

I am cold and scared and alone...

ALONE! 

My mind retracts to the word..

Alone...

why does it feel so wrong to be alone...

surprisingly this is my life, 

and my endless routine.

 self loathing and vast

questioning...

sadly the whole, 

self awareness 

is nothing 

more

than 

a

crisis.

The pillow buzzes...
its my phone!
finally...
i thought,
like
a dog waiting
 for his master to come home.
as was i waiting for your
text message,
with aspiration 
i gaze at the phone 
with idea of relief...
 message says:

"Sleep Time"

Sleep time?
What?
already?
staring blankly at the phone... 
I 
couldn't help but  feel a hint
 of betrayal
I
 quickly sent a 
text:
"never mind."
....
I gasp for air and buried my self in blankets.
returning back to my dark reflection.
More texts appear...
blah ...blah... blah..
useless rubbish,
I thought...

How could you ignore my previous question?
I 
began to think, puzzling at the concept,
is it that easy to ignore me?
I  decided to get up,
 and exiled myself to my sleeping chambers,
but first i need to
turn off the fireplace and the television.
I  unplugged 
my labtop and headed to my small bed,
and place it like a shrine on my nightstand...
shivering,
Its even colder in my bedroom... 
 as i was wrapping myself like a gift, 
 with a
gentle mournful whisper, 
I read your text out loud...
"sleep time."
Reaching over turning on the movie you advise me to watch 
replied  with a text,
*sigh*
night
Awake:the life of Yoganada 
and began to sleep.

i dont want to love you no more

I don't want to love you any more.

I wish i could rip out 

this heart of mine.

and put it away

.

i wish i cant remember the color 

of your eyes

.

i wish i can forget 

the touch of your 

skin and the taste of you

lips

.

I wish i could leave you alone

.

i wish could walk away from you and

not remember who you are.

i hate that i love you 

i hate

that your on my mind

.

I WANT TO FORGET

you

.

i cant deal with this pain 

in my

heart 

.

unforgettable

unforgettable.

Ur eyes.

remind me of the summer sky and the winter night

 warm with hope yet chilled with the ideal of fright

.

the taste of honey

makes my mouth water and I

long

for your lips

.

a scent of cigarettes

is something 

i do miss

.

unforgettable

.

i wish i could touch you 

once more

.

to feel the essence

of you

.

unforgettable

.

you

its  a cold and lifeless  night

and i  am  here  stuck

with question of you 

i have  left you 

alone

in the darkness 

with no friend 
.

i sit here 

on this rock 

looking up to 

the moon

wishing 

i could forget you 
.

but how could i ?

for 5 years 

and

3 lying words 

"i love you"

.

has been embeded

in my

 core  and been running through 

my veins like poison

.

what is love?

i am damage

and trying my best to repair 

the wounds 

and bruises 

that is left on my soul

i hear laughter in the wind 

life she mocks me 

when will i be happy again?

when  will the joy begin
watching waiting
to be part of the crowd 
to chime in 
with thoughts
and feelings 
i bite my lips
hoping 
not to stutter 
.
you have done this 
.
and its my fault for letting you
.
your excuse is
 your trying to save me
but instead you 
enslaved me 
imprison 
me with 
your
 "love"

words.
stick and stone 
may break my bones 
but WORDS
will never hurt
.
i have  left you  alone
alone 
like you left me
.
you have abandon me and strip me from my amenity
you have charge me for the ounce of your affection 
and had me
begging please
you had degraded me and discarded me  with 
nothing more  than 
"your a waste of time you stupid whore"
these are forever trap with my mind  
and replays costantly
so tonight i leave you there
alone 
with nothing more than nightmare 
you bestow onto me 

Dandelion

Dandelion:

your eyes,  they haunt me

 color of aspiration

.

 there is something more about u

something bigger

than me

.

oh sweet dandelion

that blows in the wind

so carefree and loving

.

the world see you nothing more

than unwanted weed
growing in bed of  roses 

to me your  precious

to be treasure to

beloved

.

your  smile, torments me

dreaming of you

provokes my

insanity

.
I want nothing more  than
to show you
my undying devotion
.
Oh my dear dandelion,
you
are
 medicine to thy soul.
.

AMBER

by:Gigi Kaeser

Amber:

the amber river  bleeds on the  table

and 

.

arcoss i see you

speaking

to another
.

I question this

 lonely heart

why am I here?
.

I sit here listening to the

music

 trying my best to be
the

ideal of happy and joy...

but I have sail far

for this place
.

and I am lost on this rocky sea being
 guide by a star of confusion

.

fishing for love and connection

but I am empty handed

.

I watch you

and then I linger

my mind

starts dancing

with the thought

of you
.

this fire this passion

this yearning

I want to unfold

and give you

. 

I have taste and felt

your flesh

on my lips

and I want more

.

the amber river she rushes threw

my veins

and

I am  

in dream with flashing lights
.

closing my eyes

pretending you are mine

just for one night

 .

red, blue, green

they flashes
.

what is it about you,
 that makes
me want you?
.

nothing more

nothing less

let me please u

let me touch you

let me love you

just for one night
. 

to feel ur warmth

of ur skin

press onto mine

.
to hear the melody of your heart
compose with mine
.
the music fades and I am flying away
on the amber waves of
desire
.
I am thirsty
for you



Hurt

By: Mandy Kalajian

Hurt

Expression... oppression

is the way you make me feel

There is so much I want to say ...

but is it to you

or is it everything ...

that you remind me
of

.

.

.

I sit here trying to clear my head

thinking of the memories

or what could of been

.

.

.

I'm  mad with the desire

of that emotional

connection

to be

a part

of you

.

.

.

but there is
 nothing more
nor

nothing less

to be casted into
a

pit of

worthlessness

.

.

.

prophet's dilemma

is  what  u whisper
in my ear

.

.

.

please let me conceal myself
 me from my shameful

 self defeating

truth

.

.

.

the morning  sun burns my skin

so

I cave away

onto

this mirror

trying

to piece together

what is missing

.

.

.

but

I am lost in between the spaces

through my shatter windows

and everything I see

is a kaleidoscope

of lies

.

.

.

not long ago

I was in your arms 

laying next to you
 help

me  escape

the living nightmare
that i some how entrap myself in
hearing your scornful melody of your
breath brings warm to my nape
my skin thanks you
for your kindness
.

.

.

I smirk at the thought of you

and hate the fact the idea of

you

is the key to set me

free

.

.

.

I'm hurt

I am broken

I am love and I am lost

I am time and I am nothing

I am the ocean

the sea of emotional mystery