Sleep Time

http://aetherforce.com/the-three-stages-of-sleep-by-rudolph-steiner/

"I am in ... I am at... i am here, in this vast period of questioning myself.

Who am I? where do I belong? where do I go from here?

It just turn 3am. 

The  frigid morning mocks me,

 as i rest

on my red love seat staring at the burning flames dancing

 on my man made fireplace,

 I can't  help but think 

damn,

I'm still cold.

I turn my body and close my eyes and reopen

 them,

the glow from the television formed shadows

 of unobtrusive figures on the wall, 

I felt a

sudden rush threw my veins 

i was scared.

I caressed my blankets in hope, searching for my hairy comrade to amuse me 

with his furriness joy is no where to be found. 

Damn again.

I am cold and scared and alone...

ALONE! 

My mind retracts to the word..

Alone...

why does it feel so wrong to be alone...

surprisingly this is my life, 

and my endless routine.

 self loathing and vast

questioning...

sadly the whole, 

self awareness 

is nothing 

more

than 

a

crisis.

The pillow buzzes...
its my phone!
finally...
i thought,
like
a dog waiting
 for his master to come home.
as was i waiting for your
text message,
with aspiration 
i gaze at the phone 
with idea of relief...
 message says:

"Sleep Time"

Sleep time?
What?
already?
staring blankly at the phone... 
I 
couldn't help but  feel a hint
 of betrayal
I
 quickly sent a 
text:
"never mind."
....
I gasp for air and buried my self in blankets.
returning back to my dark reflection.
More texts appear...
blah ...blah... blah..
useless rubbish,
I thought...

How could you ignore my previous question?
I 
began to think, puzzling at the concept,
is it that easy to ignore me?
I  decided to get up,
 and exiled myself to my sleeping chambers,
but first i need to
turn off the fireplace and the television.
I  unplugged 
my labtop and headed to my small bed,
and place it like a shrine on my nightstand...
shivering,
Its even colder in my bedroom... 
 as i was wrapping myself like a gift, 
 with a
gentle mournful whisper, 
I read your text out loud...
"sleep time."
Reaching over turning on the movie you advise me to watch 
replied  with a text,
*sigh*
night
Awake:the life of Yoganada 
and began to sleep.

i dont want to love you no more

I don't want to love you any more.

I wish i could rip out 

this heart of mine.

and put it away

.

i wish i cant remember the color 

of your eyes

.

i wish i can forget 

the touch of your 

skin and the taste of you

lips

.

I wish i could leave you alone

.

i wish could walk away from you and

not remember who you are.

i hate that i love you 

i hate

that your on my mind

.

I WANT TO FORGET

you

.

i cant deal with this pain 

in my

heart 

.

unforgettable

unforgettable.

Ur eyes.

remind me of the summer sky and the winter night

 warm with hope yet chilled with the ideal of fright

.

the taste of honey

makes my mouth water and I

long

for your lips

.

a scent of cigarettes

is something 

i do miss

.

unforgettable

.

i wish i could touch you 

once more

.

to feel the essence

of you

.

unforgettable

.