Ouch My Pride

Nauseous 

Oh my Pride! thats  all i have to  say... 

(laughs)

My love  life ... SUCKS! 

(laughs) 

so i've been dating sense 

my break up 

i know i felt horrible 

X 

said he loved me 

but he was 

never really was to good 

me

he was cold n

so mean 2 me

calling me names 

like whore , Slut 

and idk

thank god its over 

.... 

.... 

got my heart  broken 

3 times ...

since then.

..... 

.... 

first two aren't 

really worth 

talking about 

so 

I'm moving

on to 

*cough*

The Recent 

....

He  just  text me 

telling me 

He didnt want me 

no more 

Ahh.. my pride 

i trusted him 

and 

now hes gone like that 

its amazing 

how 

easy it is for all of them 

to leave me like i'm 

nothing 

.... 

Part of me  wants to get sad think yes

i am NOTHING

Nah 

its stupid to think like 

that 

i mean there's a reason for everything ... 

Maybe its not time for me 

to love 

or 2 

really love ....

I mean i havent really know myself yet

and i dont know
why
 i want to jump into a relationship

... i never really learn my lesson ... 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CGIii_eTOk&feature=related

i'm tired of guys loving and leaving 

now im going to be the one who 

is going to be leaving

and not trying 

anymore..

Im kinda  sad that i lost a Friend.. 

i mean who am i going to talk too.. 

but the past him ..

(smile)

and remembering all 

the good things  he would tell me 

when i got my heart broken 

.... 

"If he cant see what a wonder person you are then he's not a guy for you,

you should more on"

*sigh*

I'm  not going to trust guys anymore... 

nor. fall in love 

nor fall for friends.

or
 " cyber friendly guys"

its hard when ur 

HOPELESS ROMANTIC

but im going to  TRY SO HARD !!! 

2 stay away 

4rm the idea of love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXmAjQmkkEs&feature=related

i know my blog doesnt make any sense i've been walking around listening too youtubes of songs to make me feel better ... 4rm this heart ache 

Plus talking too people on skype 

THANK YOU CYBER BUDDIES!! 

my last  Blog i wrote how i was addicted  to the internet and i should stop and 

get a life

and i have

and got hurt 

by rotten 

people

.....

im such a emo*

School Starting

Should be interesting  no? i think so ... i think with this Heart ache ...

im going use this as art.... 

" dust the shadow flows again

 .. i feel the soreness embracing me..

 of love

 has falling into darkness and nothing more

 i am left with an

empty reflection

Oh  woe is me

.... 

the pain that is heavy

 on thy heart...

i am 

burn with 

scars

nor longer 

i can 

try

nor 

longer 

i can cry...

it hurts deep 

inside..

the thought 

of you reminds inside"

Addiction.

Addiction.

Do i have an addiction?

am i addicted too you ?

Mr. Computer

*sigh*

I don't think so,

but the lack of the so called

"social life"

begs to differ...

watching the telly

about cyber addiction

have me wondering

about my own

mental health?

what kind of person

am i ?

i know i want to be

a kind person

and

loving person

a smart person

a healthy person

a

"normal person"

....

idk

reading my past blogs

about myself

i realized

how clueless

i was

or

am i still

that

clueless girl ...

waiting and needing to be heard and to beloved?

mmm... i don't think so ...

i'm not saying i don't believe in

this so called thing named

"love"

when it happens

it happens

right now its not

on my top list

to fall

in loved

But

if i do

i want

this time

to be normal

.....

(((YES)))

i want a normal relationship

....

what is a normal relationship?

are you asking ...

idk

i guess

someone with a

job

and has

his own place

...

i really dont know

but i know whats

not normal

like

meaning no more

on line dating

i did that

too many times.

and they all fail.

most of them are crazy..

so i want to end that

strange chapter

in my weblife.

meeting guys at bars

most guys i meet at bars

are jerks

wanting to

get free

ride.

(wink wink)

over religious

guys.

or

over the board

anything

.....

i just can't go there .

another

thing

no more

self obsessed

Douchebags

*sigh*

besides im too old to be

to

keep selling

myself

short.

with pitiful

human

behaviour.

*sigh*

I remember the

time

i try to

change

myself

to

impressed

the

opposite sex

No more

if a guy

likes me

he likes me

for me

which

is

?

I guess i really don't

know

myself

yet.

??

i dont know

but

I want try to keep myself

off the internet ..

i'm not saying

im going cold turkey

....

but i

want to start getting know myself

more

and do lots of reading

.....

http://listverse.com/2007/08/18/top-15-great-science-fiction-books/

i'm getting

into

science fiction

books.

oh yeah more painting and drawing

and

i want more friends

in my life

My goal in life is

2

try to make

a friend

day

when

i

go

out

....

Invisible to the world

I

am

"JUST"

Invisible to the world

No matter how i try....

no one seems to see

me

or

understand me

i'm at the point

where

i just want to

to say

2 myself

"i am just Invisible to the world"

My Auntie Died

i am so sad

everyday i

cry

every day

i die a little in side

....

i cant help it

but thats how i feel

life lost all meaning

food and water

nothing doesnt

taste as sweet as it did

before

...

but i lay in bed thinking to myself

i got to live

live for those who cant live ....

love for those who cant love

drink for those who cant drink

eat for those who cant eat

ENJOY

LIFE

while i can.

beside all that ....

calum broke up with me

why

Well he doesn't trust me

i dont blame him

i dont trust myself anymore

i guess this year having so many people leaving me

just left me in pieces

....

I'm trying slowly to put myself together

but its hard..

looking in to the mirror

see all my flaws

................

i hate my short hair ....

i try to keep myself 4rm talking to people

i seem to be a downer

low self esteem

isnt cute

people get tired

of

people like that

always

dragging everyone down

with ur

bullshit

People

Screaming

"OH, YOUR LIFE ISNT THAT BAD GET OVER UR SELF"

-____-)

i hate coming to people

to

"talk"

2

i feel like i should hind myself away until

i am normal to talk

.....

Last Night i cried ...

Cried cuz i felt so used and alone...

i know

i shouldn't

but i do

so stupid and foolish

i just mummer to myself

but thats another topic i will talk

about

like next year! if

its still bugging me

but i am Invisible

i guess its my point either or not to accept it

Invisible