funny

i love u

i love

you

i love you

i still

and always

love

you

you change me

the way i see

life

with out

u

i can .. move on ..?

no

i love you

i love you

i love

you

i love you

i'm sorry

if i dont have passport

im sorry

for

being

im a mess

im sorry

for

bring

easy

im simple

and im loving

but most of all

im lonely

but i love you

i love you

i love you

i love u

i cant stop but saying

i love you

i hope u still love me

( random note: im eating chocolate things thinkng of you )

catch me

Age 24.

life is nothing more than a mess

....

am i as

selfish...

as people around me

emotional

... crying

to be notice

.

i'm not alone

i guess

but

how can i feel so alone

and disconnected 4rm

the world

when we nothing

more

than

children crying

to be heard

i feel like

my life was

just

words

written

on the sand

and

it's been

wash away

panic attacks

are getting worst

soon i wont

be able to

breath

...

whose to care

but God

*sigh*

i keep dead flowers in my room....

i dont know why

maybe its the first time i ever had

flowers in my life

makes me feel

some what love

even though their

dead

.

theirs nothing but clothes and shit on the floor...

My bed still smells like him

.......

i keep my make up in a shopping bag.

i have holes in my socks and tights

.....

no matter what i eat i seem to be getting fatter

....

should i even eat at all ..

something is wrong with me

but i cant tell

what it is...

im too scared to go

to the Doctors.

I dont know whats with this blog to be honest ....

but, help me

love me

catch me

before something happens

So what ?

So what?

i'm Penguin who can't fly.

penguin who cant find love

(T__T)

anywho, my bday past

i'm 24 years old

*woot woot*

Calum Came down to see me

twice

so far ...

and it was okay

i wanting a little bit more

in this relationship

i want him to pay attention to me

more.

why is it i need so much fucking attention

why can't i just be happy

....

lately i been calling him 24/7

just to here his voice

just

to feel closer to him ...

all he can say to me is

" Get your Passport "

we just kinda got in to fight

i'm tired of calling

someone who just doesn't

want to talk to me

i'm sad he just told

to call him when i get my passport

WHEN WILL THAT BE HUH?

so i just hung up DID HE TRY TO CALL ME BACK

DID HE TRY

no he is tired

too tired to call me

to tired to try

I LOVE HIM

and hes always tired for me

idk

what to do now,

its fucking pretty isnt it

its amazing how people can

ignore you

when your screaming

help

....

its so ... amazing

how easy

they can over look you

.. tired..

and lonely

im not happy ...

im drowning

in a pool

of vomit of lies and tears

.....

"help me"

can any one see me

can any one hear me

...

the mask that im wearing ....

is starting to break

and i dont think i can try to fake .....

these bottle of

emotions inside

i cant escape ....

im scared of the end...

darkness is not one of my kind friends....

there is no where for me to be free ...

im stuck here ....

i dont know if

if i can breathe

am i alive

or a walking doll

full of yes's

paint lips and big brown eyes ...

so dull

no thoughts nothing inside

some one save me

i have nothing more to give

i feel like im dying inside

...........

how can you say you love me

how can they say they care

look at me

can you see me

or do you only

see

what you want to see

which isnt really there

..... im nothing more

than

an illusion

to you am i .....

they all stare

while i dance and sing ...

what pretty

little fucking thing

isnt it fucking beautiful

how people can be

no one really sees

the truth

i laugh singing ....

"what a pretty fucking thing .

isnt it fucking pretty

isnt fucking sweet

daddy runs

and i cant even find me

isnt it fucking pretty isnt fucking sweet

mother and the moon

they are all against me

laughing

and mocking

the little words

they

speak

cold hearts

are blind

they hurt you when

they

talk..

no see's

every one likes

to agree

that its just me

isnt it fucking pretty

isnt fucking sweet

closer and closer

death is the

only thing

that

embraces me"

'

no where

no where

no where for me

no one will never understands

no one will never see me

im just a ghost in this land

....

a doll

a

aliveless

thing

ready to please

anything

im done ..

SooOOooooo......

its been awhile since i wrote on this thingy,

why you must ask?

well, bf. the end!

hehehe

(>__<)❤

Thee, new bf keeps me distracted to go on line to express myself.

plus! he's worry that i'm going cheat on him.

-____-✖

How sad! is that!

he doesn't trust me,

well i wouldn't really blame him~ he read all my skype messages❧

and .... its so not faithful!

I'm flirt! and i know that by heart but it wasnt just random guys im talking too ...

its only what ONE person i'd

talk!

to make me go so unfaithful

Beepin #*$&%~

^

cant say names!

what!

he's my muse thats all i can say.

even though it makes my future hubby

sick.

I'm an Artist! i'm never satisfied.

i want more!

i want the world!

so my dog got sick!

really bad! brought up so much raw emotions

i felt like a child

just them i realized life is so ... short

..... and i would give anything for my puppy dog to live

and have a chance to stay here longer on earth.

he's my only friend my best friend ... he loves me for me and i love him for him thats the way it goes !

so im done writting cuz i have nothing more to say if you want to know me just add me on facebook i make videos blogs on everything i do

-fin-

Tomarrow is vDay

lets see what can i say,

i havent said yet?

so i realized that im going to die.

well, im not sick or anything its

the thought i have to accept

death.

mmmm?

lets see calum came down

that was pretty interesting

idk

.

i know theres no one out who reads this mess

hahahaha