"I am in ... I am at... i am here, in this vast period of questioning myself.
Who am I? where do I belong? where do I go from here?
It just turn 3am.
The frigid morning mocks me,
as i rest
on my red love seat staring at the burning flames dancing
on my man made fireplace,
I can't help but think
damn,
I'm still cold.
I turn my body and close my eyes and reopen
them,
the glow from the television formed shadows
of unobtrusive figures on the wall,
I felt a
sudden rush threw my veins
i was scared.
I caressed my blankets in hope, searching for my hairy comrade to amuse me
with his furriness joy is no where to be found.
Damn again.
I am cold and scared and alone...
ALONE!
My mind retracts to the word..
Alone...
why does it feel so wrong to be alone...
surprisingly this is my life,
and my endless routine.
self loathing and vast
questioning...
sadly the whole,
self awareness
is nothing
more
than
a
crisis.
The pillow buzzes...
its my phone!
finally...
i thought,
like
a dog waiting
for his master to come home.
as was i waiting for your
text message,
with aspiration
i gaze at the phone
with idea of relief...
message says:
"Sleep Time"
Sleep time?
What?
already?
staring blankly at the phone...
I
couldn't help but feel a hint
of betrayal
I
quickly sent a
text:
"never mind."
....
I gasp for air and buried my self in blankets.
returning back to my dark reflection.
More texts appear...
blah ...blah... blah..
useless rubbish,
I thought...
its my phone!
finally...
i thought,
like
a dog waiting
for his master to come home.
as was i waiting for your
text message,
with aspiration
i gaze at the phone
with idea of relief...
message says:
"Sleep Time"
Sleep time?
What?
already?
staring blankly at the phone...
I
couldn't help but feel a hint
of betrayal
I
quickly sent a
text:
"never mind."
....
I gasp for air and buried my self in blankets.
returning back to my dark reflection.
More texts appear...
blah ...blah... blah..
useless rubbish,
I thought...
How could you ignore my previous question?
I
began to think, puzzling at the concept,
is it that easy to ignore me?
I decided to get up,
and exiled myself to my sleeping chambers,
but first i need to
turn off the fireplace and the television.
I unplugged
my labtop and headed to my small bed,
and place it like a shrine on my nightstand...
shivering,
Its even colder in my bedroom...
as i was wrapping myself like a gift,
with a
gentle mournful whisper,
I read your text out loud...
"sleep time."
Reaching over turning on the movie you advise me to watch
replied with a text,
*sigh*
night
Awake:the life of Yoganada
and began to sleep.
I
began to think, puzzling at the concept,
is it that easy to ignore me?
I decided to get up,
and exiled myself to my sleeping chambers,
but first i need to
turn off the fireplace and the television.
I unplugged
my labtop and headed to my small bed,
and place it like a shrine on my nightstand...
shivering,
Its even colder in my bedroom...
as i was wrapping myself like a gift,
with a
gentle mournful whisper,
I read your text out loud...
"sleep time."
Reaching over turning on the movie you advise me to watch
replied with a text,
*sigh*
night
Awake:the life of Yoganada
and began to sleep.
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